Office by Alex Penny
You are the one who holds my heart. Since the day I've met you.
I’m sitting here. With you… But idk of you’re the person I want to be seeing this kinda view with anymore.
I feel like you’re not a faithful nor decisive person. Dirty minded is fine. But dirty actions… I’m alr way past that.
I don’t know how things will go anyway.
写给我最最爱的你。
今天是农历初一。好想传简讯给你，献上我想给予你的祝福与祝贺。但是想了想，还是没传给你，不想扰乱你现在的生活。
你看起来过得很好。对我来说，或许就够了吧。说实在的，我也不能肯定我不会再爱任何一个人，因为未来是我不能预测到的。但我知道，我会爱的下一个人，在我心里应该不会也不能取代你的位置。
我想，我就只能在这里，对你说声：新年快乐，祝你心想事成。
Perhaps I’ll stop ‘writing’ to you here. But instead maybe recount the stuff that has happened between us. I guess a part of me is just getting kinda afraid that time will wash away those memories I have, which is basically the only things that I have that holds us together now. Be it bad or good, I guess it might be better if I pen those memories down.
Happy new year to you. I’m guessing your spending it with someone you love… So I didn’t text you.
Not sure if I’d still continue writing here, but I wish you all the best.
Take care.
Day 148.
I think i’m going through this stupid cycle of trying to give you up, forgetting you, and then after that I just keep remembering you, crying so hard for you..
I really think it’s harming my mind and health.
And to add on, I dreamt about you yesterday. It was scary. Because in my dream you’re going away. Your gf isn’t in the picture, but you’re still going away. I don’t know why.. And it’s scary, I was chasing you but I couldn’t get you. And I also cried in my dream.
How am I supposed to be happy during my sleep time when my dreams are seemingly alike to my reality?
And just as I was opening this blog and typing in here, you had to come facebook and chat with me. What’s wrong with you? I really think I am just turning crazy over again.
Anyway, to myself, a resolution for this year, I wouldn’t talk to you nor see your facebook anymore.
Of course, I can miss you, as hard as I can, but I won’t talk about you to other people, and I won’t text you either. I guess you would be my secret from now on…
Hello. Merry Christmas to you.
I controlled myself not to reply your message. Although you are the first one I wanted to wish. I did sort of disappoint myself a little because of ytd..
I saw you online in fbchat and I couldn’t help but to tell you something. And the lamest thing I said was merry Xmas eve. Haih. I shouldn’t even be talking to you.
But you know what, last Wednesday I went to club again. Cos nana asked me go, she wanted to drink.
I guess I got carried away and drank to much. I hit my head and got a baluku, I cried all over again for you. Don’t worry, I didn’t cry very badly. And the clubbed there didn’t see me cry.
I guess the imprint you left on me is still around. I despise the fact that you had a girlfriend and still ‘muacks’ me.
And I despise myself even more for secretly wanted and appreciating that kiss. Why am I so silly? I’m so sick of myself.
Time actually did make things easier for me. I am able to control better to not reply you. And try not to think of you that much.
But when times like today comes, I guess I just feel that I need you. Maybe that’s my weakness.
Or maybe there might come a day where I can look you straight in the eye, smile, and be alright with everything without dropping a tear.
I miss you so much. And I do think I still love you despite it all.
Have you ever loved somebody so much that it takes your breath away? Have you ever missed somebody so much that it makes your heart ache?
Suddenly I wished I’ve never met you at all. At least then maybe I’ll learn to settle for less.
I’m wondering if I was really being myself when I “was with” you, or was I just trying to be something I wasn’t?
Hope you enjoy your trip with her. I wonder why after so long I still miss you. What exactly do I miss about you?
I have no idea.
It’s getting easier to ignore you. Not that I want, but because I have to. I don’t know why you can’t understand that while seeing you makes me happy, it hurts me as well. For now, I don’t feel that it’s a good trade off.
I guess I’ll still be sending over a Xmas present if I’ve got the money…
Happy December. Hope you’re fine.
